Since I’ve been stuck in bed with a fever all day (apparently running 3 miles with a cold is a bad idea…who knew), I’ve been thinking about some things after reading Hemant’s book. Well, I’ve also been watching way too much TV on Hulu.
Anyway, Hemant tells the story of when he became an atheist. It’s a very specific moment for him. And I’ve been sitting around all day trying to figure out what mine is…and I’ve realized I don’t have one.
I remember the moment I “became” Christian. I had decided, after reading several Evangelical texts, that I wasn’t a true Christian, because I hadn’t been born again and accepted Jesus into my heart. Why I thought my baptism, years of church/belief weren’t enough, I don’t know. But I now had a very specific story to tell about my Christian experience, my “testimony” in youth group parlance.
But I don’t remember a moment when I became an unbeliever. I remember the classes in college where I started questioning. I remember the day in high school where I swore to myself that I would never ever marry someone who was Christian (long story, to be saved for another blog post). I remember becoming interested in alternative sexuality, in logic, in philosophy, in ethics, but I don’t remember having a conversion. I just remember that sometime, on one of those many days, I woke up and realized that my label for myself had changed somewhere along the way.
Maybe my story is made up of those little realizations along the way. Maybe my new testimony is the life I’ve put together for myself, the mental and physical health I’ve gained since I’ve started questioning the assumptions I long held. Maybe someday I’ll be healthy enough to put those moments together into a coherent story 🙂 As for tonight, that’s as much thought as my brain can handle.